i should have been meaner
💕
when i was younger i used to have a really bad temper- like knock down brawl out temper tantrums on the daily. as an adult i have gone so far to the other side and am very careful with how i show my emotions to people that i am often accused of being robotic and cold or intimidating (these accusations are mostly made by men but what is new). this kind of response to me always felt like “ah well i can’t get upset if i don’t let anyone in and no one can get upset with me if they know nothing about me” a very normal response of course.
i am always so anxious of coming off as too angry or too emotional that i don’t react enough1 or at all which raises a new concern- there are people out there who think they Won because i didn’t go full scorched earth. you know that other very normal thought process- that someone could Win a friendship or a breakup or any kind of disagreement diva the second we even started the descent into negative feelings we both lost like i don’t know how to explain to you that there is nothing to win once you have those thoughts about someone else. i’m not even saying that in a mother teresa kind of way because trust me there are absolutely nights i stay up for hours acting out the perfect scenario where i really got to tell everyone and I Won but then other times i’m okay with the fact they’re going to be a bum and die alone and probably read this and get upset because they think i’m talking about them and ya know what, if the shoe fits.
so i don’t think you should necessarily try to be the bigger person all the time and never have ill will towards anyone but sometimes when you really think it’ll be worth it you should absolutely be meaner- you’re gonna be the villain in their story anyway why not. or go for a walk i don’t know flip a coin.
smallies
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🧋 have i preached the good word of the hillstone martini?? i know i have but its prime time hillstone season so here is my cocktail math post to refresh your memory!!
✨ ikea has this fridge lazy susan and has a house of 80% sauces it is life changing
i know my family will read this and think “this bitch reacts plenty” i’m not TALKING to y’all 💗 obviously i feel safe enough with you demons to have Emotions